Buzz Cuts, Chainsaw Massacres, and the Terror that Stalks in the Dark
written for my cousins BJ, Becky, & friends
BJ and his new bride had another young newlywed
couple over one stormy night. BJ, my cousin, had his house on
higher ground, so they all thought they should be safe there from
the rapidly rising floodwaters. So, they did what many young folk
tend to do in such situations--they drank beer, munched various
snacks, and watched horror flicks....well, and joked and cuddled
as well.
Suddenly, a huge oak tree fell just down the
road from them as the lightning struck hard and the thunder shook
the whole area. Then everything went black except for the
intermittent lightning flashes. The storm continued to rage. The
wind was fierce.
Then they heard it. A buzzing sound with a
strong thump, thump, thump against the back walls of the house.
Where was the dog? BJ had a monster of a watch
dog who was a trained attack and search dog. He was so fierce and
so good at his job, that the sheriff had even named the dog
"Monster." Trust me, the name fit too.
But, why was Monster so quiet right now? Was he, perhaps, on the stalking mode and about to attack whoever was
obviously trying to find a way into the house to harm the young
folk? Or, was Monster already dead and they were to be next?
The storm intensified even as the buzzing and
thumping grew louder and more persistent.
The women began to cry and shake.
BJ then gathered what courage he could muster and
found a flashlight...a small one with weak batteries, but it would
have to do. So, he asked Rob to go with him and maybe they could
both subdue the villian somehow. They had to protect the women, and
it was clear to them by now that Monster was never going to make
anymore noise. So, Rob grabbed a bat, and BJ grabbed a steak knife.
They told the women to stay put, but the women were having none of
that.
So, the women also grabbed weapons--an umbrella
and a cast iron frying pan. And, slowly and as quietly as they could,
they went into the back room where the noise seemed to be coming from.
There in the dark room, in the corner by the open window was a big shadow that looked like someone covered
with a blanket. The buzzing and the thumping was coming from there.
"AH!! Take that!" they all screamed as they beat
the crap out of the intruder who quickly stopped buzzing and
thumping.
Then they closed the window, locked the door to
the room and barricaded it and returned to the front to bundle
up together for the rest of the dark, stormy night without a lot
of sleep, I might add. Well, they were too frightened.
The next morning, they went into the back room to inspect the quieted stranger. They quickly discussed how they
would report the stranger's death to the sheriff. It was self-defense
after all! Once in front of the blanket-bundled heap on the floor,
BJ pulled off the blanket and jumped back.
"What the... ? Why, those are the sacks of our
clothes and things we brought with us," said Rob in stunned shock.
"And, this...," BJ said as he riffled through the
mess made of the sacks and found their assailant, "... is one huge
but extremely dead vibrator, man! I have never seen such a vicious
specimen."
And, they have never yet been able to live
down the tale of the Chainsaw Vibrator Massacre.
Copyright 2001, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw. All rights reserved.
This is based on the true story as told by the heroes. The names
have not been changed to protect the guilty, errr, innocent.
BJ and his new bride had another young newlywed
couple over one stormy night. BJ, my cousin, had his house on
higher ground, so they all thought they should be safe there from
the rapidly rising floodwaters. So, they did what many young folk
tend to do in such situations--they drank beer, munched various
snacks, and watched horror flicks....well, and joked and cuddled
as well.
Suddenly, a huge oak tree fell just down the
road from them as the lightning struck hard and the thunder shook
the whole area. Then everything went black except for the
intermittent lightning flashes. The storm continued to rage. The
wind was fierce.
Then they heard it. A buzzing sound with a
strong thump, thump, thump against the back walls of the house.
Where was the dog? BJ had a monster of a watch
dog who was a trained attack and search dog. He was so fierce and
so good at his job, that the sheriff had even named the dog
"Monster." Trust me, the name fit too.
But, why was Monster so quiet right now? Was he, perhaps, on the stalking mode and about to attack whoever was
obviously trying to find a way into the house to harm the young
folk? Or, was Monster already dead and they were to be next?
The storm intensified even as the buzzing and
thumping grew louder and more persistent.
The women began to cry and shake.
BJ then gathered what courage he could muster and
found a flashlight...a small one with weak batteries, but it would
have to do. So, he asked Rob to go with him and maybe they could
both subdue the villian somehow. They had to protect the women, and
it was clear to them by now that Monster was never going to make
anymore noise. So, Rob grabbed a bat, and BJ grabbed a steak knife.
They told the women to stay put, but the women were having none of
that.
So, the women also grabbed weapons--an umbrella
and a cast iron frying pan. And, slowly and as quietly as they could,
they went into the back room where the noise seemed to be coming from.
There in the dark room, in the corner by the open window was a big shadow that looked like someone covered
with a blanket. The buzzing and the thumping was coming from there.
"AH!! Take that!" they all screamed as they beat
the crap out of the intruder who quickly stopped buzzing and
thumping.
Then they closed the window, locked the door to
the room and barricaded it and returned to the front to bundle
up together for the rest of the dark, stormy night without a lot
of sleep, I might add. Well, they were too frightened.
The next morning, they went into the back room to inspect the quieted stranger. They quickly discussed how they
would report the stranger's death to the sheriff. It was self-defense
after all! Once in front of the blanket-bundled heap on the floor,
BJ pulled off the blanket and jumped back.
"What the... ? Why, those are the sacks of our
clothes and things we brought with us," said Rob in stunned shock.
"And, this...," BJ said as he riffled through the
mess made of the sacks and found their assailant, "... is one huge
but extremely dead vibrator, man! I have never seen such a vicious
specimen."
And, they have never yet been able to live
down the tale of the Chainsaw Vibrator Massacre.
Copyright 2001, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw. All rights reserved.
This is based on the true story as told by the heroes. The names
have not been changed to protect the guilty, errr, innocent.
