Even the fantasy section of the bookstores or media - those "self help" fairytales - thrive on shame. There is a difference between learning/trying to do what is right and "improving" oneself. Even the admonition to look on the light side of life, while good in its place, is used as a cudgel to bludgeon us into submission. All false ... toxic shame. So, we learn to accept ourselves as who we are now. It is not easy, but it is vital. I am who I am - not more nor less.. just who I am - a woman trying my best as often as possible with who I am, with where I come from, with what I have... just me... all of who I am. That is not the false pride & arrogance of the narcissist. It just simply is reality. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw