Sometimes Standing Up for Oneself Therapy Talk Is Not
Healing Talk
I woke this morning with a duh revelation. I finally could put into words something that had deeply offended, bothered, etc. me in therapy & therapy talk. It is the idea that standing up for ourselves is good even when it takes a sledge hammer to the other person because we think the other person is a boundary violator, bully, abuser or ____ (fill in the blank.) It is so hard for abuse victims to see the abusive behavior & to recognize the one doing it, that drastic measures are said to be called for to bring awareness. Maybe. But, because our culture is not trained to care about anyone or anything but instead promotes hyper-selfishness, even healing modes are still steeped in selfishness. I never heard it said in therapy talk to stand up for oneself but have compassion for the person in front of you as you would like them to have or have had for you. To say we have some things we want to say to the other person usually means we are about to sledge hammer that person in the name of standing up for ourselves. This is therapy talk keeping the system the same or making it worse. It is not really ultimately healing.
~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw, 19 April 2012
I woke this morning with a duh revelation. I finally could put into words something that had deeply offended, bothered, etc. me in therapy & therapy talk. It is the idea that standing up for ourselves is good even when it takes a sledge hammer to the other person because we think the other person is a boundary violator, bully, abuser or ____ (fill in the blank.) It is so hard for abuse victims to see the abusive behavior & to recognize the one doing it, that drastic measures are said to be called for to bring awareness. Maybe. But, because our culture is not trained to care about anyone or anything but instead promotes hyper-selfishness, even healing modes are still steeped in selfishness. I never heard it said in therapy talk to stand up for oneself but have compassion for the person in front of you as you would like them to have or have had for you. To say we have some things we want to say to the other person usually means we are about to sledge hammer that person in the name of standing up for ourselves. This is therapy talk keeping the system the same or making it worse. It is not really ultimately healing.
~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw, 19 April 2012
Indeed ! Healing is what we do inside, not what we do "TO" someone else. We can't heal them, they must do that. In order to learn compassion, one must practice it. I agree with you Daphne.
ReplyDelete