My Courage Quotes

My Courage Quotes

27/09/10        
The butterfly landed on the conquering wildflower blooming and perfuming the wasteland of despair. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

15/09/10
Do we ever in this life know why things turn out as they do? Some of what we think of as our worst flaws saves us much grief while some of our best strengths don't help when we think they should. Still, all works together for us in ways we don't always see. Nothing is as it appears. So, I say relax more, enjoy, & work with whatever happens. Might as well smile, too. It's free. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

12/09/10
Some days it is harder to take than others, but I keep telling myself that I am who I am. I cannot be anyone else. I would not know how to be someone else anyway. Besides, I would not want to be someone other than me even if I could be, & since I cannot be other than whom I am, that is good. But, some days it is all I can do to keep from weeping, running away, hiding away forever somewhere. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

07/10/10
No matter what, the trick is not to give up because you just never know what is going to happen next. Yes, it could be something worse, but it could be something better than you could ever dream, too. Mostly, though, it's a continuation of the ordinary, which is a blessing in itself often. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

25/10/10
I may fail spectacularly and repeatedly on my path in life, but that has not stopped me yet from getting back up... to learn from the falls & to keep trying. Sometimes the "mistakes" were more important than the supposed lessons. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

21/11/10
When you are struggling to live in a good way, trying to heal, & falling down often but continuing to get up to try one more time all the while wondering if all the effort is really worth it, please know you are never alone. You are being cheered on by your fellow strugglers as well as myriad allies that are not seen at the moment. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

26/11/10
May love, life, joy, kindness, & peace be my jewelry and my beauty routine because nothing is more beautiful in my eyes than Life glowing from within. May I help you shine too, my beautiful, beloved friends & family. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

13/12/10
May I always have the courage to choose love & kindness when faced with a choice between following the rules and being kind/loving. May I have the courage to choose & to accept the consequences of that choice with graciousness. And, where I lack wisdom or knowledge, may I seek those but still choose love/kindness. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

22/12/10
When sadness like a shroud enveils my heart & difficulties besiege my mind, I trudge along or rest a while before methodically continuing onward with Life, bit by bit until the time is done. Sometimes it is the courage simply to continue to breathe that makes a character, I think. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

18/11/10
A real test of your strength & character is the amount of control you have when you are angry or afraid. Can you refrain from lashing out, panicking, or saying/doing things you will regret? Can you still be patient & kind at that time? I don't know about you, but I am still working on this one. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

08/01/11
I could not stop for death & still won't! The imp wants mischief, the dragon feeding, the nymph a laurel tree to tend, a broom needing off the pink potion, a magic carpet to clean, breathing still to do, friends to love, & a beloved to thrill well past ecstasy. Schedules! Mustn't interfere with mine! lol ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

09/01/11
Guard your heart for out of it come the issues of life (from Bible, Proverbs 4:23; Qu'ran 28:32) - Our attitudes, thoughts, even our "subterranean" thoughts color how we see, hear, act, react, & are also treated in this world. Change your thoughts/attitudes, & it is like magic. Try it, & see for yourself. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

25/01/11
Moment by moment I am training myself to respect all of me as a whole & worthwhile person. I am learning to turn scared into sacred. I am learning that I really am who I am, & who I am is exactly who I was meant to be. I am learning this is the same for all my relations in creation. AND, it is a joy. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

26/01/11
I hated my body until I realized it was how I heard, saw, tasted, felt, smelt, & experienced life. Without my humble body functioning despite all it goes thru, I would not be here. I could not love, laugh, think, or enjoy all I have so far. So, I am learning to love & bless my body. It's about time. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

07/02/11
The world needed me just as me, so I will be the best me I can be by just being me. I don't know how to be anyone else, so I'll be me by default & by choice. The world needed you just as you, too, & even if nobody else cares, I do. I like you as you. Shall we be us together now? ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

18/02/11
Many have asked to get to know me better, & I am open to friendship from everyone everywhere. I am just a very shy, quiet, but friendly person until I "warm up"... which can take a while. But, it is not because I do not want the friendship, so please accept my apologies as I ask for patience with me. Thank you. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

19/02/11
If you really want to know me, then know my thoughts, see my art, feel my words, dance with my spirit, & sing with my soul in those glimpses & glances scattered across my heart & eyes for the daring to catch & hold. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

20/02/11
From babyhood on I have wanted to become Love, to find my wholeness, to heal from the deep brokenheartedness. It has been a journey in learning to forgive, to let go, to choose ever more wisely, to allow myself permission to just be me. I'm still learning. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

05/03/11
Breath is Spirit is Life. It would be wonderful if each breath could be free & easy, but even if each one must be a titanic struggle, it still will be done. Life finds a way until the end. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

23/03/11
I raise my head up to howl in laughter, to howl in mixed emotion, to howl to life itself. Despite pain, fear, heavy burdens, despite all. I will raise my head up to howl. My heart will dance long after my body is gone for I have loved as well as I am able with all my heart. May I yet live to learn to love more. Love never dies. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

25/03/11
Let me plant flowers even where I will never smell their fragrance, trees even where I will never enjoy their shade, love even where I will never know even a hug back. Let me leave something alive and beautiful wherever I go, wherever I am. A simple act of kindness & love can bring such healing even if I never see it. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

25/04/11
I am not a beauty nor a Barbie. I am an aging, larger, struggling to heal & move again, real woman. Many would find me not so attractive outwardly, but it would be hard to find more beauty in this broken body. It has withstood so much & is still here, doing its job faithfully. This is true beauty, imho. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

29/04/11
Maybe the reason I am still here despite all is not so much that I need to be here or that I am of a warrioress type of spirit. Maybe, just maybe I am still here against all odds is because someone(s) still need me here. Maybe just the fact I exist gives someone(s) hope, love, or joy. Maybe the fact of my life is the message. Maybe this is also true for you as well. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

01/05/11
I am a real woman. I sometimes scream, show fierce anger, say horrible things, weep, ache, get scared, panic, etc. I am human, just human. Some say these are faults. Maybe they are/maybe not, but it is not all of who I am. I cannot allow these to keep me from continuing to be real, be kind, & to grow & learn. I can make that choice to keep being & moving as the woman I am. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

31/05/11
As an aging woman, I love the charisma, the accomplishment, the confidence in who I am, my own sexuality & spirituality, my knowledge /intelligence/ wisdom, & all that I have so far learned & experienced in my life & my loves. This is real beauty. It cannot be faked nor exactly duplicated. It can be shared. Many an older woman/man can show you this same beauty. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

© 2010, 2011, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

The F-4, Frostburg, MD

The F-4, Frostburg, MD

A tension unexplained runs through me,

As I watch the animals and birds skittering about

In a way rarely seen.

Even my dog seems to feel it…

She shakes and stays nearby.

I scan the horizon…

Towering clouds still of whites and ecrus,

But that could change in moments…

There is a calm in the air that is not calm.

I shudder.

I know what I feel…

I have lived through these storms before,

But these are the mountains,

And supposedly it doesn’t happen here.

My instincts and the dog’s say differently.

I go to prepare supplies…

Where are my loved ones?

I worry…timing is going to be close…

I check the sky again and continue to prepare.

Oh, please return home, I pray for my men.

Just as the storm begins, they return…

Quickly take these things, and let’s go to the basement—

NOW!!!

Rain is light, then it stops…

A stillness beyond still…

“Whatever is going to happen will happen now.

I love you,” I tell the guys and the dog.

The whirling, horizontal rain-wind comes

Up the hill just to one side of us…

So close…feet away…

The noise so loud,

The wind fierce and chill,

It seems forever in a few moments…

Then it’s over.

The moon comes out.

Animals begin to make noises again.

The neighbors flash lights at us, and we respond.

We are alive…alive…

Now to help all of us recover, rebuild,

And go on…

Humbler and grateful.

Now it’s a year later

And the scars of that evening linger

In our community and around us,

But we’re alive…

And still grateful…

And watching the skies.

ã2 June 1999, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

And Still the Channel to Cross

And Still the Channel to Cross

Looking around,

Nerves stretched taut,

The winds and waters churning.

All are pale.

None will return.

Deep terror in us burning.

Normandy,

Damn those cliffs,

A beach changed to bloody swampland…

Though thousands die

To win that beach

From Hell’s elitist command.

© Copyright, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw, 2000.

All rights reserved.

The Real Within

The Real Within

Protection that is only without

Cannot protect the within,

For what is without can be taken away,

But what is within remains.

In death we cannot take the without.

Only our realness within will go.

ã19 December 1993, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

To Be Fully Aware

To Be Fully Aware

Pensively searching, questioning within,

Analyzing, sifting, scanning without stop

The whole of my life—and not just what appears

On the surface…

The eyes of my heart,

The heart of my soul,

My very essence,

My spirit…

Watches,

Searches,

Seeks,

And knows

Far more than I dare accept now,

But if I opened myself to all my perceptions

And lived by my real convictions,

Would I be happier, wholer?

Or would I be more threatening, threatened?

ã19 December 1993, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

The Reclaiming of Me

The Reclaiming of Me

Why does it matter what you think of me?

Why should I be bothered by what you say or see?

Why does it upset me if you think I’m bad?

And why does it scare me if I think you’re mad?

Why do I not see myself as a person of great worth?

Why do I not see myself as valuable to Mother Earth?

Why must I torture myself, tear myself apart?

Why must I never heal the great sorrow of my heart?

Why can’t I see myself as a beautiful, strong woman?

Why can’t I just be me, under the thumb of no one?

Why do I hesitate to take up this warrioress’ fight?
 

Why do I not trust myself to my vision and my sight?

Now I see it more clearly—the gynecidal plot

That tried to keep me trapped within something that I am not.

Arise, my soul, be strong against your foe,

For everything you really need inside your heart you know.

ã4 December 1993, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

OK, But Don’t Tell Me I’m Going to Like It!

OK, But Don’t Tell Me I’m Going to Like It!

What do you do when you’re all alone

And it strikes?

You cannot scream loud enough,

Or get numb enough,

Or run fast enough,

Or sleep deep enough

To escape again.

And you know escape is not even the answer.

But how do you welcome torment,

Embrace agony,

Beckon to torture,

Entreat misery,

Cohabit with trauma,

Flirt with devastation?

And damn it all! That’s the only way out.

ã31 October 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Instinctively Led

Instinctively Led

With hope as the anchor for my soul

As I feel so tossed and torn,

With steady course before me set,

I walk though weak and worn.

Others tread similar paths

Even though I feel alone.

I know my anchor will continue to hold

Even though I feel cut to the bone.

Confused and clear, numb and pained,

Trauma upon trauma relived,

Agonized hauntings my memories come

To make my whole life sieved.

Yet deep in my heart I hear the voice

Of God speaking to my spirit,

Telling me exactly which way I should go,

And, thankfully, my spirit can hear it.

ã22 October 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Panic Attack

Panic Attack

Cold, slimy fingers creeping up my spine…

   Body hair stands up.

      GASP!

Can’t breathe.

   Pounding heart.

      Dry tongue.

         Sweat.

A nameless terror tingles my colon.

   A knot here…

      And there…

PAIN!!

   Tense.

Eyes w-I-d-e open…

   Yet blind.

Straining ears are deaf.

Chilled,

   Yet burning up

      By turns.

Racing thoughts.

Escape!!!

Yet paralyzed.

Even tears have fled the scene…

   Silently screaming

IN PANIC!!!!!

Yet remaining

   Deadly

      Still.

ã22 October 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

So When Will I Be Good Enough?

So When Will I Be Good Enough?

Mommy, where are you?

I need you right now!

I’ve always tried to please you,

But could you please tell me how?

It seems the very best I do

Is never really enough

To meet your expectations of me,

So you treat me very rough.

Am I really so offensive

That you cannot treat me right?

Isn’t it cruel to say one day

That you just might…

…might what?

Am I not allowed to know?

Or is this just your way to say

You’ll keep me under toe?

ã19 June 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

But, We All Knew You Lied

But, We All Knew You Lied

Through the eyes of innocence

You saw yourself laid bare,

And because you could not handle it,

You made yourself not care.

The pleading eyes of a frightened child

Clutched your heart each time,

But you couldn’t face yourself just then,

So your child became just slime.

The silence roared through fiery eyes

That continued to hope and plead,

Wounded, alone, and buried alive

Under a heart that would continually bleed.

Why? The eyes asked.

How could you do it? They cried.

But, I love you, you said,

And the child wouldn’t believe you lied.

ã19 January 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep

Precious Lord, I feeling sad,

And I’m feeling I’ve been had;

With their words they pierce right through me,

For they come merely to screw me.

Precious Lord, would I be bad,

If for once I got real mad?

If I hit them where they hurt most,

Father, Son, and Holy Ghost?

ã1 January 1992, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Fine, Fine, We’re All Fine, Thank You

Fine, Fine, We’re All Fine, Thank You

It isn’t there.

I didn’t see.

I don’t know.

Why ask me?

I didn’t feel it.

I didn’t touch.

 

I didn’t fake it.

No, not much.

I don’t remember.

What do you mean?

Do not disturb.

Don’t be seen.

Do not talk.

Play pretend.

Rigid smiles.

No more friends.

I didn’t hear it.

I didn’t say.

Evade the question.

No dismay.

Blank expression.

Vacant eyes.

Avoidance is

A ghast disguise.

ã8 January 1991, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Grandma Massie Said

Grandma Massie Said

Ignore them, dear, and not by their words be bound.

Just remember no bird ever flies so high that

Its tail never touches the ground!

ã28 April 1991, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Of Living as in a Fog

Of Living as in a Fog

What brings this gloomy thickness

Of living as in a fog,

Where mourns the death of innocence

Yet not admit the fall?

Why think it odd the pain you feel

Or the burden borne?

Think you’re not like the others now?

Think you’re different?

By your own words you admit it so:

You are their kith and kin.

No temptation have you felt thus far

That is not common to man.

ã6January 1991, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

Sing for Me in Minor Key

Sing for Me in Minor Key

Sing for me in minor key

And syncopate the beat.

Let there be dischordancies.

Let the words repeat.

Sing me a song of pathos:

Tragedy with a flair—

A song to dance and weep about

With a haunting air.

The triumph of the spirit,

A victory of the soul,

Taking all life can give it

And come out well or whole.

Now with brighter tempo,

Sing me in minor key

That bittersweet song of survival

And life abundantly.

ã5 January 1991, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Take the Hit

Take the Hit

For  Mr. Long, Town Hero,

Uncle Bill Fortune, My Cousin Jimmy Delong

A soldier alone,

Sees the enemy,

Heading for camp…

A grenade…

One body a shield—

To be killed

Or perhaps worse

Maimed for life?

Either that

Or the whole camp

Killed.

Take the hit…

For the save.

© Copyright, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw, 2000.

All rights reserved.

Singing for Her Brother

Singing for Her Brother

For My Cousins Joyce and Dusty Massie

My cousin Joyce was up on that stage singing,

So beautiful and so strong—

My secret heroine through school…

Turning pale, lips quivering…

But her head held high

As she sang the song

For the Green Berets.

Dusty was over there,

That place where many went,

Few seemed to return…

That place that protestors scorned

And politicians lied for…

Oh may our kin not die for!

© Copyright, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw, 2000.

All rights reserved.

A Moment to Honor: My Tribute for Armistice/Veteran's Day

A Moment to Honor: My Tribute for Armistice/Veteran's Day

written on Nov 11, 2005

So many of my kinfolk have been military folk...and some still are. My grandfather (Army) fought in both WWI and WWII...even fighting under Patton... My dad (Marine) was in Korea, and his only brother (Navy) was in Viet Nam. The list goes on. All my kinfolk, to my knowledge, who fought were combat vets...many having lost parts of their bodies and/or having lingering health and other problems due to that combat experience.

On the other side of the world, my hubby was Malaysian Royal Army, Sarawak Rangers.

We have an Admiral, a General, a nuclear sub Commander, even nurses and other medical folk from our family represented...male and female... many age groups.

Those too ill, too old, disabled, etc. who could not go stayed and did fulltime support of troups...always. Always.

The tears and heartache... the fear and worry... the pride and joy in having our loved ones home again... the commitment to PEACE! No more wars!!! is strong. So strong.

I am anti-militarism, but never, ever, ever am I nor will I ever be anti-military. Our people have given so much for us ... and will continue to do so. We need protection ... not empire but protection ... there is difference, as you all know. And, they ... our sons, our daughters, our cousins, our neighbors, our people ... even our adopted people who are now embraced in our bosom ... need our support and respect.

Orange poppies, white crosses, old parrot riffles and caissons...

I will remember. I will love. I will hold sacred their sacrifices and the sacrifices of all who have fallen... on all sides. Their blood still sings out from the ground. Their blood...my blood...our blood... we are all connected.

With love and bittersweet honor,
Daphne Bradshaw

(C) 11 November 2005, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.

In Memory -- 9/11 and beyond

In Memory -- 9/11 and beyond

written on Sep 11, 2006

It was a vicious attack and a terrible loss for our whole world. I remember that day as if in a bad trip. I, and so many people around our world, lost friends, family, acquaintances....

For well over a week, my family did not know if some relatives survived or not in the Pentagon. (They did, but still cannot discuss anything....) And, also, we live just seconds or less airtime from where the one plane went down in PA. I had even heard the "boom boom" and smelled the fuel and smoke.

Then more and more lives were and are lost as the Hate continues....

Wars, terror strikes of many kinds from all sides.....

We humans must learn peace. We must. Or, the alternative is just too horrid for thought.

If I could have one wish, I'd wish for us humans to learn to wage peace...
to live and breath and have our being in peace... within ourselves, with each other, and with/in our world/universe.

Peace, my loved ones. May you have peace... real peace.

some further sad reflections

It would be long overdue for the pain and agony of the tragedies of September 11, 2001 to have at least healed considerably, but that is not going to be allowed by those powers that be who need to keep dredging the memories up for various agendas. Nor can those who suffered and do suffer the most rest and begin the really deep healing while there are so many questions left unanswered... and more questions continually are brought up... questions that truly demand answers and accounting for. I don't see this happening either... at least not any time soon.

And with the never-ending war on terror still going on and on, will our world ever find a place for peace and healing? I certainly hope so, but I am not holding my breath just yet.

And yet, I still dream of a time when humankind will finally say Enough! to war and then learn to wage peace. "You may say that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one..." (Lennon, "Imagine")

And, sometimes dreams are not just all we have... sometimes it is the seed to grow....

May we grow peace.

(C) 11 September 2006, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw.