Even the fantasy section of the bookstores or media - those "self help" fairytales - thrive on shame. There is a difference between learning/trying to do what is right and "improving" oneself. Even the admonition to look on the light side of life, while good in its place, is used as a cudgel to bludgeon us into submission. All false ... toxic shame. So, we learn to accept ourselves as who we are now. It is not easy, but it is vital. I am who I am - not more nor less.. just who I am - a woman trying my best as often as possible with who I am, with where I come from, with what I have... just me... all of who I am. That is not the false pride & arrogance of the narcissist. It just simply is reality. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

more misc quotes

It does not matter if you are fat, skinny, a giant, a dwarf, an orc, a pixie, or anything/anyone else to a mean-spirited, bitter person. This person will try to ruin it for all around you & esp. for you. You don't have to go along with the Wicked Witch of the West or the flying monkeys. You have as much right to be here, enjoying yourself & feeling good about being you, as everyone else. If it helps you to make it thru a particularly difficult time around this person, rehearse a happy sing-song with your comrades in arms that will be there, too. A song like "I Feel Pretty" or whatever will do nicely. Then burst out singing when the Old Drag of the Bitter Sea strikes. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

It turned cold suddenly, hints of not just frost but snow, & my joints whined, my heart rebelled - But it is only the first part of October! I need autumn glories. As much as I love all nature & seasons, autumn has always been my favorite. Please weather imps, hold the snow a bit longer so the leaves can all change & the trees be more protected. But, I cannot pout long. Autumn is like this, & I love autumn. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Pick those strings fast & sing that twang. Sing me pictures of forested hills, tar paper shacks, cars on cinder blocks, & stills. Make my feet clog to the beat as my grinnin' heart beats happily to memories more nostalgic than real, but then in these mysterious mountains, all the ghosts are real, & they dance lively tunes. Let my inner eyes see my ancestors from this land & from other lands meet in complicated mating dances in bloody footprints & mixed children who will never really know their real stories. Play it fast & drown me in a fierce pathos of a common roughness that can still laugh. Wood, coal, iron masters all bear down. But, bearing on for we know no other way. Steam engines, whistles blowing, the seasons pass slowly but rapidly.. the mountain sing mesmerizing songs that need a banjo, a fiddle, a mandolin, a twang. Old songs. Ancient songs. Back, back, back... but on we dance. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

The train gave a long moaning whistle as only steam whistles can give as the train ran thru the mountains. Eerily sad sound. The chug-chug-chug sound as the engine tried to ascend echoed thru the hollows. It is the middle of the night. That train has not run in at least a hundred years in its physical form, yet it visits the mountains still, a reminder of lives & time lost. These mountains remember everything but only tantalize with their secrets. Spirits dancing among the trees of the forests, the clay, & mystery. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

A glimpse fleeting past, just a sensing, then gone. Fleet as a deer but human in feeling if only made visible. Listening. Still, almost not daring to breathe, listening. Watching. They are here. But, they are only shadows now. Friendly but wary, beckoning more skill to sense & feel the way. Step gently on the clay, the leaf mold. No sound. Silent voices urge onward. They watch. Smiling. Gone. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Alone, thinking singular thoughts, never realizing how widely my story reached, sometimes to crack open shells & releasing slaves to different harms ever so slightly, sometimes to fuel only freak gossips & fomenting hatred or fear of me, but I endured. Searching for sanity or reality & finding growing authenticity, alone still but almost alchemically changed, but alone I noticed not. Did the emerging from the chrysalis always mean agony? I did not even know the aurelia was holding me. I only knew alone. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Once love is real it is forever despite loss, separation, blocks, or even death: together & love are not required seamlessly. Sometimes love must be from afar thru time & space, yet be strong & sure. Sometimes disruptions, quarrels, hurts must force apart to preserve. Sometimes to return more fully at last. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Your name, your face, you stayed in my mind, in my heart, always with a longing deep & clear. Memories dreamed me to reflect the love felt so completely that no dimension other than love exists. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Standing on the cliff in my heart, searching, searching, longing, tears dissolved into prayerful thoughts to stretch out my heart over vastness into mysterious space if only to reach you to let you know how precious, how loved you are. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Come, sweet one. Lie down, & let me soothe you into sleep. The night is cold, but the fires I'll keep warm to chase away the aches & pains that bite your joints, singing you a lullaby of love that points to joys awaiting in dreams & blessings hidden in the dark, a song to ease your fears & to keep alive the spark of love always within you, growing year to year. Come, sweet one. I'll sing words you need to hear. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

"Go back to your home country then!" I snarled in real anger even while my inner self was recoiling & asking myself where do these thoughts come from? I began noticing other such attitudes in me & also in most people around me, even preschool children. Why? I do not remember being taught these horrible thoughts & attitudes. But there it had erupted from me at an odd time & against someone I considered a friend. An even more troubling thought hit me as I began working thru my inner thoughts: but if everyone is equal with me, how can I ever be better than anyone ever? The fact this distressed me distressed me. And so began a many decades long self searching, self cleansing, & re-educating. This process is ever on-going. It is hard work, painful, but also one of greater joys, liberty of being me - maybe even the liberty of beginning to get to know me at all - & a deeper peace inside. So much work left to do. So much. But, I am well on my way. Finally I meet those who are also well on their ways. We teach each other what it really means to be real & human. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

The chill begins to cling more to the air as the wind sings of lengthening shadows, frosty tips on whirling wind eddies. The endarkening of final harvests & winter coming near slow me inwardly as much as preparing me for a time of gestation. Life goes on by cycles, by some rotation of circles, of stories, a dance of many parts. Smiling, I face the night. It is well. It is well. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Untrue! Unfairly accused. Inward fuming. Outward forced calm. What do you mean? It is not as you said. Discipline makes me go silently to calm down inwardly & to think. But on the side of my mountain in my heart my thoughts turn to times when I have been the one who hurt another in just this way - deliberately or obliviously. Fury melts into a new pain, more ancient in me, sadder. I sit eating that bitter fruit until only its seeds lie in my palm. This ends here! Digging, deeper, deeper still until the evil seeds are buried beyond retrieval. Then stone by stone, I build the cairn. If there be any goodness. If there be any honor. If there be any good repute. Stone upon stone. If there be any justice. If there be any mercy. If there be any kindness. My sweat, my blood, my tears for mortar. If there be any Love. If there be any Life. May that healing fruit grow instead. Let there be peace. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Sometimes creative solutions still do not work, but it was worth the effort. In trying to find a diagnostic machine to fit, the animal hospital had the perfect one. "But, these are only for animals." "It is for a naked ape." "You're not an animal." "I assure you, madam, that I am indeed an animal & not a mere piece of shrubbery no matter what my critics say!" ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

She gently but quite fiercely cared; her dance was her character, her heart, lived inwardly, outwardly, touching all even quietly, softly; a swirling of spirit as much as hair & cloth. Dancing for the broken heart of people, place gone, but memory, hope lived on thru her; the spirit never dies. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Petals fall softly blood red & linger,

They come for children, don't they?

Yes, old & young, woman or man,

They fall blood red, a finger

Points to the crying

Earth that shelters the fallen

Silent except for screams that haunt

In fallen fallen ones gone swiftly

But why?

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

The bow rapidly, slowly, no matter, flew over my senses, the cello touching deeply dark place tinged with brightness somehow with tears of emotion not named. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

The moon played my soulful strings dancing me as a ballerina marionette atop a jewelry box, haunting violin in the flapping of crows, tears in the night of a macabre smile, embracing the passion of inner nightfall. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Life is just what it is, but life is a chameleon, changing colors - to hide or to trick? To entice to explore. Life is not survived at it is. It is lived or is not. Mine is not an easily told tale, but one full of dark shadows, hiding places, stories within stories within tales within puzzles within mystery but over-cast with a lightness betraying hallowing depths, fallen into life. Turn back & do not ask. It is better not to know. But, curiosity is the way back. A puzzle to explore. My life. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Dance from the core of your being. Dance with all of yourself. Dance your body into seeing. Dance with your spirit self. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Air raid sirens fill the air followed by emergency vehicle sirens, my heart lurches first from the memories of long ago air raid sirens to watch the skies & head for shelters then from realizing these are emergency sirens now & someone's life &/or home is in danger. May there be a good outcome, or as good as possible, for all involved. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

A dear friend told me she wanted to have some fun before she died. I replied, "Yeah, I want to survive until I die." ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

He looked worried, spoke gently, "I heard you had a bit of trouble earlier. Please try not to offend those people or any who think they are in some authority type or helping field. There are some here who would kill you off & not think another thing about it. They will get away with it too." ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

For this this lifetime, I got "Let the rough times roll" one. I had ordered the "let the good times roll" one, but it was back ordered too long.  I did try searching the order form for "Laissez Les Bon Temp Rouler" to no results.~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

All too often we as a society & world do not pay attention to the clues of escalating violence along the way to the supposedly more important "explosions" in life because the ones harmed are considered less important, defenseless, marginalized... women, children, non-human animals, etc. Our stories we tell ourselves or listen to (news, fairytales, media of all kinds...) do not tell us the truth so as to give us fair warning on how to self-protect or to catch the problems in the earlier stages. Even many cops long before this lament the having to wait until something big happens - like the woman is dead or a mass murder happens - before anything can be done by them. We have much work ahead. Sometimes I despair for our species... but I dare not give up the dream of making the world a little bit better before I leave it. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

misc quotes

To lie alone thinking, wondering of the many changes, the odd timings of life, why the wait? Things most knew young, some know old, some never at all, too late? To stay with oneself no matter the emotion is key, or so it's said. Difficult, yes, when feeling intense, but this is where it has led. Just lie alone thinking & let it flow, the feelings will change & dissipate. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Where is the scarlet sumac I remember from long ago? Autumn is very near, but it is not. The milkweed's fuzzy seed is not flying here nor the goldenrod's bright fall joy appear. Just memories of a different climate, a different place. In a space of my forever fall. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

While listening to Nina Simone sing "o lord, please don't let me be misunderstood," I continue to wonder why this aching cry came to be in song as misunderstanding seems the biggest part of most of life for humans. Wouldn't it be more accurate but less lyrical to ask to be heard first? Most intelligent, even trained detectives, do not really listen to hear & understand another. And, unlike another poet's insistence, I say we are most often indeed islands unto ourselves among archipelagoes of life. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

True tale: I do not want a funeral or even a memorial service once that time of my cycles comes around, but as I won't be around to protest, I think it only fair to make a simple request for those who feel they need that. So, in the spirit of remembering me, I request that at least 2 songs be included in such a time - Monty Python's Always Look on the Bright Side of Life AND Roll Me Over in the Clover. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

A friend was discussing the coming of missionaries (JW in her discussion) to the door at most inconvenient times & ideas to stop it. I mentioned one technique I used effectively - lasted for a few years, too. I wrote -

"You could also try what I did - innocently enough actually - I had on a long, black caftan when they arrived. I said - Great! I was just about to try to carry my cauldron out to the fire & need the extra help. .... they ran... would have shared the chili had they stayed, but oh well." ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

She was a complex mix of sweet gentleness with fierce passion

Strong yet weak yet stronger yet -

Full of practical, magical sensibility.

She was radiant with loving heart & mind,

A jungle glowing lotus of a woman.

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Trees, tell me your stories. How have you see so much in your long life & still stand strong & tall? Though a senior for my species, I am but a youngster next to you. Please teach me to live thru hurts & pains but to continue upright, too. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

He screamed out in drunken or even sober rage & stupidity, abusively terrifying his family who had no where else to run. While all were victims, one was especially singled out for specialized terror. The ruins lie all around. The damage is lifelong. But, that special one continued to grow & change as best a snaggle-pussed, bedraggled, irreparably harmed being could... dancing, singing, loving despite all. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

And she laughed. Such a bubbling effervescence, an innocent sweetness within a woman's knowing type laugh. A laugh speaking of youth, of springtime but with a touch of winter. It draws you in & gives joy to the hearer, like some fairy-like music of love spells. How she laughed. Joy personified. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Daughter of darkness enfolding, place of healing & life, she looks intently & listens so deeply, worlds of love & right-making conceived in that shadow. Love as wild & free, unshackled & untamed as the Vastness within, without. She lifts her eyes, her arms; embracing all but with fierceness of protective recoils. She howls. She pounces. She waits. She is here. She. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Cooler nights waiting for frost on the pumpkin, that adding of sweetness to the brussels sprouts, & colorful riot of leaves. Take me, coming autumn wind to dance with the falling leaves & feel more nip on my nose & cheeks. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

There is a still august place of peace, unshakable, strong, & sturdy, where I am most me & not me but fully me yet fully other. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Dear Young Daphne

Dear Young Daphne,

You are loved & admired so much by me, your older self. I stand amazed at your resiliency & determination to keep trying to grow in the good way despite so many abuses pummeling down upon your small self. You kept your fire & your heart thru the worst hell poured on you from the time of your birth onward. Along the way you used various tactics & strategies to survive that were & are genius.

Oh, sweet, sweet Daphne. They lied horribly to you. How could they? How dare they! But, you stayed sweet nevertheless.

Then you escaped. It has taken decades to get to this level of healing of what can never be totally healed. But, you chose to get out & try to be good. Little one,  you succeeded far beyond your wildest dreams, & we still have dreams left to dance thru.

But, for now, come into the embrace of your older self & rest. You are loved beyond measure & so treasured. Thank you for never giving up.

Love, Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

more misc quotes

A friend was offering some good advice on good oral care when I said the best oral care I knew was a red hot lover. She meant brushing & flossing. I smiled & said, oh kinky. She is still shaking her head at me. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Once upon a time a few days ago, a man from a country far, far away & just over the ocean offered me 18 camels & 5 goats to be his. I told him I was extremely insulted! I was worth a camel per each pound I weighed & a goat for each ounce I weighed... with a girlfriend's help on scale tipping, of course. He has not gotten back in touch with me. Are my dreams of camel empires & goat kingdoms to be crushed so easily? Hmm. Maybe I asked for too little? hehehe ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

A friend was pondering how many who claim a religious identity so often have never read nor feel a desire to read the sacred text(s) of their chosen religion. And here I've read several Bibles, the Qu'ran, the Bhagavad Gita, the Tibetan Book of the Dead, & a host of other sacred literature all the way thru. Does this mean the imp is more religious? Nope. Just more curious... terminally curious even. I just gotta know! I wonder if there is a curiosity magic powder to sprinkle around about? ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

You've no doubt heard of women who run with wolves (by Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes). Well, I am the imp who flies with dragons, swims with sea monsters, has snow ball fights with a Swedish polar bear, dances thru forest primeval with satyrs & nymphs, & erupts into life with volcanoes. Some don't like to make ripples, but the imp surfs on tsunamis. In other words, the imp is just a simple girl next door type. Of course, location location location... neighborhood context does matter perhaps. hehehehe ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

If there are no tears for those so harmed by evil,

If there are no heartbreaking agonies to spur solidarity with the victims,

If there is only the words of "love," "humanity," & no active resistance or solidarity with the victim,

Then there is no truth, no heart, no love, no humanity, no justice, & no peace ever.

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Children of "the enemy" have always been a main target of genocide & warfare since humans have been on the planet even though hate-filled propaganda tries to sell the fairytale lie of "we don't target civilians." BS. Next are the women of child-bearing age. Why? To get rid of the next generation of "the enemy." Also, if one's own men impregnate those women... lots of slave labor & more of the "correct" population for "the good guys." (Think of the "King" must sleep with each bride on her wedding night in Scotland.. same deal.) Next up - All those too weak to defend themselves or who are undesirable... & make it gruesome & denied to all outside. Why? Terror to force compliance on those who remain & victory to the "good guys." And, we take no prisoners is the rule, not the exception, in war. Prisoners are for torture, info, deals, & entrapment. It helps reinforces terror - look what will happen to you if you do not comply. Other than that, kill all... cannot afford the expense, the work, the effort, or the liability of too many prisoners. Ruthlessness is the hallmark of warfare & genocides. When will we humans learn to make war no more? Maybe when the last breath of human air is breathed... & I am ever the optimist, alas. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Refusing to love or hate monolithically, seeing group characteristics as only a place to begin exploring an individual, my heart listens. A field of daisies, all loved, together amazingly cheerful, but still individual flowers swaying in the breeze together, I see. Collectives, a place to come to cooperate & share, a place to learn to care... competition might be fun but is not ultimately rewarding if the reward is grief, destruction, death, I feel. Individuals in groups can still be clamped in tightly and also free to be just the individual, reporting back by showing wider experience to the group, but too often the group shuts this off, but not the daisies, I think. They still sway in the breeze. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

You hesitate, checking to see if you will be as you envision yourself, then you speak, soft words, timid to appear, shyly offering yourself. Then you try to retreat to hide again, hoping, fearing, doubting, hoping again. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Hearing someone out as they tell that person's perspectives, opinions, witnessed history is important. Hear the whole tale. The ask questions to determine if the tale was heard correctly. Finally ask questions & begin investigating, researching, & thinking. Repeat as often and as long as needed. It is amazing how much we think we know that is not true, & how much we just don't know period. Find out. Keep searching. Believe it or not, it is also fun to explore & to think. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

I read a book a long while back that somehow needed to haunt my dreams last night. Were you aware that the reason anyone wins any war is the mercenary hiring of vampires & zombies? I guess werewolves are discriminated against for shedding. Strange reading material can lead to even stranger dreams. This is a public service announcement to read more strange books. You're welcome. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

If you could read my mind & know how you shine there,

If you could feel my heart & know the depth of love & care,

If you could know my soul laid out before you bare,

Then you would see with your own heart the living love aware...

And find home.

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Poison sugar rakes energy best used elsewhere. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Some have laughed when I ride my dragon or dance naked thru the forests with Pan. Some have jeered when I chased the wild wind to take off to fly thru the starry skies. Some have called me wicked for things they cannot understand & have to destroy to feel themselves superior or safer. Safer from what exactly? From using their own sense of wonder or childlike innocence at play? From their own resilience & survival without that spark of madness that is life? I say, let those who want to cage me live in their cages, for I will be free to dance on moonbeams & slide on sunbeams. And, I will know to love & be loved with a fullness & a creativity that would be sorely missed had I not lived as me & danced. Look around. Many dance too. We dance together. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

It is so easy to see wonder as well as friends all around even in unlikely places. I am admiring some gorgeously intricate webs woven above my hospital bed. I am praising the cute spiders while making a living agreement - I will attract all manner of blood-sucking flying bastards that they can catch to make themselves pretty plump spiders as long as they don't walk on me. So far so good. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Mr. Mischa cat has been keeping a cuddling watch on me all week while pain levels & heat intolerance/allergy had me crying most of the time. Little cat paws insistently kneading the most painful places followed by warm, purring cat to act as heating pad to edema enhanced pain spots. When he must take breaks, Miss Luna dog took over the vigil. Yay for Team Furry Care-Givers! ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Longing, yearning to touch you with more than mere words written from the fullness of heart but incompletely felt if not reflected by your eyes, your smile, your face full of heart too. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

What is our dance but a love making with life! ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Hold on tight. Lean onto my shoulders when you need my strength. Cry on me, too. I won't dissolve or melt. Talk to me or babble or rant or shout or sing or be silent... whtever you need to get thru this tragedy. Know I am here, holding you tightly in my heart & thoughts even when you cannot handle a touch otherwise. We will get thru this somehow. Eternity is a very long present time. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

We are our dance. We are our message. Our dance is our life. Our life is our prayer. We live in a sacred way. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

If all the stars stopped shining the night would still be bright from your glow.

If the moon saw you she'd fall in love & send moonbeams to caress you.

How can a mere mortal, imperfect as I, compete?

So, I don't; alongside stars & moon, I just love you.

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

The sky turned gray, the leaves were still,

The clouds seemed never to move

Turned darker.

The trees would sway, sings whip-poor-will

Of rain about to come, to prove

Dried starker

Of grass become hay, ready to till,

Into the barned groove

Season marker.

~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

She loved purple, so I tried to surround her in purple thoughts & blessings. A violet here, a lavender there, pansies all around. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw

Danced. Danced & loved. Sometimes sad but elegant. Sometimes maudlin & marionette-ish. Other times free to fly. I'd soar. Always I danced. Danced & loved. ~ Daphne Yvonne Bradshaw